8 days in

Luca says “Hurray!”

I am 8 days in and I feel good. I started the week upset with my progress: my psychiatrist wanted to put me on a mood stabilizer that is commonly used in people with Bipolar Disorder and I was hesitant. When I questioned the doctor about it, he said he was focusing on symptoms and wouldn’t label anyone for up to 6 months. That reassured me but in the back of my mind, I can’t shake the feeling that I may always need medicine or that I could be Bipolar. I brought my hesitation to my group and they echoed what I already know, if something is helping your health, it doesn’t matter what society tells you you are. Here I am a week into the meds and I feel more like “me” than I have in a long time.

The beginning of the week I felt as if I was back in grade school with the amount of check ins and group bonding activities we had to do. I find them to be a waste of time but try to stay present and participate because there is a reason this program exists and works. I’ve watched 4 people “graduate” the program and they all seem to be feeling better with the tools they have acquired.

I am proud of how I have presented myself to my fellow group members. I have told them numerous times that I am trying to get the most out of the program and am willing to share my vulnerable moments because this is our family’s last straw. Peter gave me an ultimatum that I need to figure this out, with him, through therapy and utilizing the tools I learn so I can get out of this cycle or he will leave. (more on this later) We have been in this cycle of my depression for years and I can’t figure out how to be me.

Through opening up and sharing my struggles, I have connected with so many of you and have been given the best advice and lessons learned.

Have you ever felt this way? Has anything helped? Has your partner ever given you an ultimatum out of love?

Thank you for the love and support. Wish me luck as I finish the remaining half of the 15 day program.

I respect my own uniqueness.